News and Activities
Browne is taking Character Counts "to another level"! Watch for evidence of Character Counts everywhere!
Please check out Spokane Public School's link for more upcoming Love & Logic parenting classes
Example-
All the Other Kids Get to Do It!
If your kids are old enough to talk, you’ve probably heard things like:
• "Jackie’s parents let her watch anything on TV she wants to."
• "Mandy gets to have her computer in her room. Like…this is the 21st century."
Some of us have even heard horrifying things like:
• "Robert’s parents buy him beer for his parties. What’s the big deal?" or…
• "Michelle’s mom doesn’t care if her boyfriend spends the night in her room. Her mom trusts her."
My message for this week is a simple one:
Our kids learn to resist peer pressure by seeing us do it.
If we back down when our kids argue, manipulate and try to use guilt, they’re far more likely to do the same when their friends turn up the heat. In the CD, Hormones and Wheels Jim and Foster teach a variety of techniques for staying strong through the pre-teen and teen years. One of the handiest involves responding to arguments by calmly repeating the same loving one-liner, such as "I love you too much to argue," "Probably so," or "What did I say?"
"I argue at 6 a.m. on Saturdays" is my personal favorite for the teen years.
Doing this will make them mad in the short term, while teaching them how to live happier, healthier lives in the long term.
Thanks for reading.
Dr. Charles Fay
Be Careful About Taking Away What Your Kids Need the Most
When we've got a seriously underachieving youngster, it's awfully tempting to resort to taking away all sorts of things in a desperate attempt to motivate them to do their schoolwork. Sadly, this often backfires, leading the child to become even more resistant about learning.
Most of us wouldn't feel that motivated if our spouse said, "Ok, that's it! No more golf [or whatever else we might love to do] until I start getting some better reports from your boss!"
While it's entirely reasonable to set some limits on TV, video games, and other entertainment activities when kids are doing poorly in school, taking them out of their favorite sport, Boy Scouts, music lessons, etc. is a bad idea. The research is clear on this:
Children who are involved in a healthy extracurricular activity are far less likely to get involved in drugs, sex, gangs, and other high-risk activities.
Kids who are struggling in school need at least one natural high…so that they aren't so tempted by various artificial ones. For additional tips for helping underachieving kids, view our DVD titled, Hope for Underachieving Kids.
Thanks for reading.
Dr. Charles Fay
Affordable versus Unaffordable Mistakes
An excerpt from MILLIONAIRE BABIES OR BANKRUPT BRATS
Release date: June 2008
One parent brags, "We follow all our lessons about money to the penny with our two children. Kraig and Kerry know not to spend any of their money without our presence and prior approval."
Another retorts, "What a great day! Kim forgot her lunch money today and had to beg off her friends. That’s the second time this week! With all these mistakes and consequences, she’ll have a Ph.D. in life by the time she graduates!"
Which child will be better prepared for a financial life full of wise decisions? Our bet is on Kim.
The authors of Love and Logic understand the road to wisdom is paved with mistakes and their consequences. The list below establishes a pattern of unaffordable and affordable mistakes around money. Which pattern do you want to establish with your children?
Not having enough money to buy a toy car
Not having enough money to buy a real car
Not receiving full pay for an incomplete job at home
Not receiving a full paycheck for an incomplete job at work
Defaulting on a family loan and having his/her bike repossessed
Defaulting on a bank loan and having his/her car repossessed
Saving money early and often
Saving money late and sporadically
Making financial restitution for unpaid bills to Mom and Dad
Making financial restitution to a credit card company or collection agency
We can turn our children’s mistakes into powerful learning opportunities simply by letting them experience the consequences of their mistakes.
What are some of the affordable mistakes your kids need to make today to avoid serious financial difficulties in the future?
Thanks for reading.
Jim Fay
Thinking for Himself
After reading Parenting with Love and Logic, Tim's mom instituted a new bedtime policy. She told Tim that picking a sleep time was his decision. He was expected to be in his room at 8:00 each evening, but he could decide when to go to sleep. In addition to this, everyone in the family was to have "feet on the floor" at 6:00 a.m. No exceptions.
Tim slept through his alarm the next morning, only to discover that the family was leaving the house without him. A rather unpleasant babysitter took over and charged him for her services.
Needless to say, he was ready the next morning. This continued through the last four weeks of school. All during summer vacation, much to his liking, he got to sleep longer.
Now that school was soon to open, Tim came to his mom with an idea. "Mom, I'm going to run some experiments. I'm going to set my alarm for 6:00 a.m. Will you get me out of bed no matter how much I complain?"
"Now why would you want me to do that, Tim?"
"I'm running some experiments. Each night I'm going to go to bed a little later until I figure out how late I can go to sleep and still wake up in time. Since it's my decision, I better learn how to make it a good one."
You'll enjoy the story about bedtime at the Fay's in my CD "Helicopters, Drill Sergeants, and Consultants."
Thanks for reading.
Jim Fay
What's Our Job?
When asked, "What's our job as a great parent or great teacher?" most people say something like, "To raise or help create really respectful and responsible kids." Our good friend and co-founder of Love and Logic, Foster W. Cline, M.D., disagrees. Dr. Cline argues:
It's not our job to raise responsible kids. Our job is to consistently do the things that give kids an opportunity to become responsible.
When we spend all of our time and energy trying to make our kids respectful and responsible, we open ourselves up to major power-struggles. It's as if we send an unstated message such as, "All of my self-worth and happiness is tied up in how well you behave." This is far too much power for any child to have. Too often, strong-willed children use this power to punish their parents.
In contrast, when we focus on doing the right things and giving our kids a great opportunity, we place appropriate responsibility on them and they have no battle to fight. The unstated message is much different: "While I want very much for you to have a happy and responsible life, I can't make that happen for you. You are the one who has to do most of the work."
Take care of yourself by remembering that the only thing you really have complete control over is yourself.
Thanks for reading.
Dr. Charles Fay
Some Thoughts on Video and Computer Games
Over the past two decades, video and computer games have become dramatically more fast-paced, realistic, and stimulating. Not long after their introduction, I began to suspect that these games had the same addictive potential as drugs, alcohol, and gambling. Today, family therapists and researchers have confirmed my fears. Listed below are some tips for helping your child avoid getting hooked:
Don't allow your child to have a computer in their room.
Allow them to play these games no longer than thirty minutes per day.
If your child becomes sneaky, noncompliant, or defiant about this time limit, remove this privilege.
Children birth to six should spend no time playing these games, watching videos, or viewing television.
So-called "educational" games, videos, and shows are no substitute for real-life learning activities, involving movement, problem-solving, and human relationships.
For more information, read Love and Logic Magic: When Kids Leave You Speechless. You'll find plenty of practical strategies and the actual words to use with your kids.
Thanks for reading.
Dr. Charles Fay
Some Thoughts on Video and Computer Games
Over the past two decades, video and computer games have become dramatically more fast-paced, realistic, and stimulating. Not long after their introduction, I began to suspect that these games had the same addictive potential as drugs, alcohol, and gambling. Today, family therapists and researchers have confirmed my fears. Listed below are some tips for helping your child avoid getting hooked:
Don't allow your child to have a computer in their room.
Allow them to play these games no longer than thirty minutes per day.
If your child becomes sneaky, noncompliant, or defiant about this time limit, remove this privilege.
Children birth to six should spend no time playing these games, watching videos, or viewing television.
So-called "educational" games, videos, and shows are no substitute for real-life learning activities, involving movement, problem-solving, and human relationships.
For more information, read Love and Logic Magic: When Kids Leave You Speechless. You'll find plenty of practical strategies and the actual words to use with your kids.
Thanks for reading.
Dr. Charles Fay
Some Thoughts on Video and Computer Games
Over the past two decades, video and computer games have become dramatically more fast-paced, realistic, and stimulating. Not long after their introduction, I began to suspect that these games had the same addictive potential as drugs, alcohol, and gambling. Today, family therapists and researchers have confirmed my fears. Listed below are some tips for helping your child avoid getting hooked:
Don't allow your child to have a computer in their room.
Allow them to play these games no longer than thirty minutes per day.
If your child becomes sneaky, noncompliant, or defiant about this time limit, remove this privilege.
Children birth to six should spend no time playing these games, watching videos, or viewing television.
So-called "educational" games, videos, and shows are no substitute for real-life learning activities, involving movement, problem-solving, and human relationships.
For more information, read Love and Logic Magic: When Kids Leave You Speechless. You'll find plenty of practical strategies and the actual words to use with your kids.
Thanks for reading.
Dr. Charles Fay
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Welcome! It is the vision of the Browne Counseling Program to contribute positively and successfully to the educational, personal/social, and career development of all students at Browne. Here is a brief list to familiarize you with my role as School Counselor:
Classroom guidance lessons (K-6th): Topics such as Character Counts, bullying/harassment prevention, conflict resolution and effective communication skills.
Individual student support: Assist students and parents in development of academic and/or behavior plans.
Lunch Bunch noon-time groups: Tuesday lunch groups "eat together and meet together" for education and skill building to help with friendship, divorce, grief, etc.
Peer Mediation Program (5th & 6th grade only): Applications required. A two-day workshop is provided so students receive in-depth conflict resolution training and skills.
Assignments and Projects
Some Thoughts on Video and Computer Games
Over the past two decades, video and computer games have become dramatically more fast-paced, realistic, and stimulating. Not long after their introduction, I began to suspect that these games had the same addictive potential as drugs, alcohol, and gambling. Today, family therapists and researchers have confirmed my fears. Listed below are some tips for helping your child avoid getting hooked:
Don't allow your child to have a computer in their room.
Allow them to play these games no longer than thirty minutes per day.
If your child becomes sneaky, noncompliant, or defiant about this time limit, remove this privilege.
Children birth to six should spend no time playing these games, watching videos, or viewing television.
So-called "educational" games, videos, and shows are no substitute for real-life learning activities, involving movement, problem-solving, and human relationships.
For more information, read Love and Logic Magic: When Kids Leave You Speechless. You'll find plenty of practical strategies and the actual words to use with your kids.
Thanks for reading.
Dr. Charles Fay
Will Love and Logic Work With Autistic Children?
Just about everywhere I travel, someone asks me if Love and Logic will work with a child having a diagnosis of "autism-spectrum" disorder. Because this diagnosis is applied to so many different types of children…with very differing abilities and needs…it's difficult to provide a blanket "Yes" or "No" answer.
Here are some things we do know about Autism and Love and Logic:
It's not uncommon to hear people say that Love and Logic has changed their lives with their autistic child.
They relate that remaining calm, using empathy, and being careful to avoid using lectures or threats helps their children avoid meltdowns.
Most of them also tell us that, although their children are capable of learning, they require a lot more teaching and practice…and empathy…to learn basic social and behavioral skills such as taking turns, waiting, staying seated, following directions, etc.
Visual cues really seem to help these kids. Many parents find it helpful to take pictures of specific tasks and use these pictures to prompt their children.
The people who are the most successful are those who experiment with the Love and Logic skills, modify them a slight bit to fit their specific situation, and stop using the ones that don't seem to work.
In his book, Love and Logic Solutions for Kids with Special Needs, Dave Funk provides an inspiring look at how children with autism and other special needs can learn, achieve, and feel good about themselves.
How has Love and Logic worked with the autistic child in your life? Send us your story at cservice@loveandlogic.com.
Thanks for reading.
Dr. Charles Fay
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